I'm Interested in a Guy with a Girlfriend - Help!
I am a 35 years old female recently was cheated on by a 26 year old male. I have a male friend whom I have not seen in 8 years! We just recently reconnected and I am kinda interested in him one problem is that he is in a semi-serious relationship they seem happy together. Although I just came out of a relationship 2 months ago, is it wrong to I ask him out for dinner or drinks to talk and catch up since we haven't seen each other in ages? I have ask him about giving me dating and relationship advices as well. Even if he has a girlfriend is it wrong to ask him out and hoping he will have some sort of interest in me? I don't want to be the other woman, and KARMA is a bitch too. Please any advices will help.
Thank you,
A
Dear A,
The short answer is yes. It's not appropriate for you to seek attention and relationship advice from a man, any man, who is in a relationship if you have ulterior motives, in this case, potential feelings for him.
You mentioned right off the bat that you were recently cheated on so you know how painful it feels to have someone betray your trust. While I can't speak to what would happen, or could happen, between you and your old friend—and while it would certainly be his choice if he wanted to strike up a relationship with you even though he's involved with another woman—it's simply not right to put him and his girlfriend in that situation.
Not only would rekindling this friendship put this guy and his girlfriend in a bad spot, it puts you in an awkward situation as the potential "other woman," as you called it. Ask yourself why you feel the need to intervene into this relationship and why you want this man's attention. It may be because you know deep down that there is no risk for you to get truly hurt or rejected: After all, he does have a serious girlfriend, so if he doesn't go along with your advances, you have a built in excuse as to why he didn't want you—he's already taken, so it's not personal.
Having been recently cheated on, there's another issue to consider: Do you really want to be with someone who would be willing to jeopardize his relationship with his serious girlfriend for you, after not seeing you for eight years? Red. Flag.
I understand your desire to reach out to this old friend. You may be feeling lonely and wanting male attention after getting hurt (been there!). But ask yourself: Why have you not seen him for eight years? Why the need to reconnect now? It seems to me that you are rushing into forming a connection with this friend in order to counteract being betrayed and rejected by the 26-year-old (who, I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say, is a prick).
My advice is to cool your jets and stop pursuing this relationship. Take some time to heal from the guy who betrayed you and you'll be stronger and more confident as a result—which will prime you to meet a man who will treat you right. Like water, relationship partners seek those of the same level: If you love yourself, you will find a man who's worthy of loving you.
--Natasha
Natasha Burton is the relationships editor for Glo.com and the co-author of the newly released dating guide The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags: Relationship Warning Signs You Totally Spotted… But Chose to Ignore.
