Let the Last Word Go

As a teenager and into adulthood, I had to have the last word in an argument or debate – demanded it even, so immaturely confident was I to believe my words were too important to be left unspoken. My stubborn insolence got me nowhere fast in relationships. Who wants to date Ms. Always Right? I grew out of the annoying temperament (thankfully). Someone has to let the last word go, and that someone can’t always be your significant other. That isn’t to say one or both of you should roll over and swallow every word the other dispenses with no retort. Stand your ground when it’s strong enough to hold your argument and the argument is worth standing up for, and let it go when it isn't.

A male friend and I had an unspoken falling out. I know why I chose to stop communication, and I based his silence on the assumption that he knew why as well. In an effort to preemptively alleviate awkwardness at seeing one another at an event we were both scheduled to attend, I emailed him, casually asking after his well-being with no mention of our time spent not talking. He responded with questions about my silence, a theoretical explanation, and several opinions about the situation, our friendship and me. I explained my position to no avail. He rattled off several novel size emails – one harsher than the next. Many responses swirled around my head, arguments ready to be launched about how I was right and he was wrong; however, I refrained from hitting send on any of the drafts.

If my only goal for continuing our conversation was to prove him wrong and me right, I was wasting my time and energy behaving badly. I had no interest in rebuilding our friendship, so why should I care about whether or not he sees my point of view? I think I’m right. He thinks he’s right. Neither of us was willing to compromise on that. So, I let the last word go; I let the argument go; I let my frustration and anger go. What a freeing sensation.

Arguments in romantic relationships are more complicated than this example. You’re not likely to walk away from your spouse or significant other over one disagreement; however, if you find yourself always giving in and/or always dealing with a Mr/s Never Concedes and you’ve mentioned it as an issue, consider whether your significant other’s communication style is one you can live with. If it’s not, then discuss the situation to find a compromise if there is one. Conceding an argument should not feel like a defeat when you’re talking to the one you love.