Brand New

Although it's a few years old, I was recently introduced to Brand New by Drake – a song about feeling as if every move you make in a relationship from every sweet, caring gesture to the first kiss to sex has been made before you by a former love. So that you feel as though you’re “in crazy competition with the past,” as Drake sings. How do you handle the fact that some of your behaviors and actions are the same or similar to a past relationship? You can start by recognizing you are different, special.

Sure, her ex opened doors, said “I love you,” everyday, and made her laugh – all actions you take pride in. But, she’s no longer with him. She’s with you. Perhaps because when you open doors, she feels protected – not like you’re doing her a favor. When you say “I love you,” her skin tingles and her heart skips a beat; and when you make her laugh, she really laughs in that deep, breathless way that leaves her stomach hurting. And she loves it. All of it.

Some of your tricks aren’t new to her, but at the end of the day, what her exes did or didn’t do doesn’t matter. She’s with you now. You are the only person you can be well, so stop worrying about the past and focus on the present. What can you do for her right now, today that reminds her why she’s with you and not him? A sweet text, a surprise workday lunch date, flowers…whatever it is, do it.

This applies to you as well, ladies. All of your actions include your special signature when you act like yourself, so don’t attempt to imitate someone else.

It goes without saying, but whatever you do, guys and gals, don’t openly compare your current love to one in your past unless the comparison is positive. Good comment: “I love that you can cook – my ex burned everything.” Bad comment: “You’re big, but he’s bigger.”